The Weekend Wear Down

Why is it that some weekends wear me down more than build me up? Could it be expectations, and the onslaught of the reality in which I am immersed? 

 Getting out in Wyatt, Jeff's 1969 Volvo

All this as my husband and I received a gracious gift of an afternoon/evening without the children and had a wonderful time relishing in the ease of being with one another. I suppose that the screaming, emotional crying, and anger that met us when we left with our boys afterward wore out the peace that the afternoon brought. 

beauty in the almost spent

Parenting can be taxing on a soul that isn't focused on what is important. I'll face it, parenting is taxing even when I'm filled with Jesus and depending on him, but it is much more frustrating when I'm not. There is nothing more gratifying, and yet nothing that can empty me out so quickly. My babies (5 and 2, yet still my baby boys) need more than I have to give. They need Jesus, his love, his grace, his patience, and his total enjoyment of them as HE made them, not the picture I have in my head of who they should be.

The boys being uniquely real and hilarious

 

My pride keeps getting in the way, my idol of self, thinking that I can do it if I just keep trying harder on my own. I can just hear my Savior whisper to me through his word “Megan, you aren't supposed to do it on your own. I'm here, allow me to fill your inabilities and flow through you. Relax and trust in me. Your children are in my hands, today and forever.”   

(Eph 6:4, Matt 11:30, Psalm 139:13, 2Cor 12:10)

So, now I'm seeing that it's quite possible that I can't be self sufficient, and maybe I shouldn't want to be. Can I really embrace such a possibility? I like to think I'm honest with myself, but these sneaky little lies seem so benign until they eat up my weekend like cancer.

where do I look?

puddles praising him

It's Sunday night, the boys are playing in their room, dinner is cooling on the stove, and getting these words written down has left me with a smile. I think of one of my favorite books One Thousand Gifts by an extremely talented writer and blogger at A Holy Experience and I'm reminded. Reminded to be thankful for the sweet time with my husband, for my rowdy and emotional children, for the hard times that draw me closer to Jesus and illuminate just how big and precious my Messiah is.